Thanksgiving with the family can be a conversational minefield.
This year is particularly volatile. Stick to these hand-picked topics to keep this year’s dinner table cordial, or at least bloodless.
+ We only have one Thanksgiving song and Adam Sandler wrote it
+ It’s been awhile since they came out with a new genre. What’s up with that?
+ If aliens have music, that means they have slow jams, which probably sound INSANE
- Ted Nugent, or his liberal counterpoint, Jaden Smith
- Why country music’s most popular band is called Lady Antebellum
- Whom the Old Taylor would have voted for
+ Its rich, delightful aromas
+ Makes everyone poop but no one talks about it
+ Probability of a timeline where dogs enjoy it
- Keurig (or any Dutch-sounding coffee maker, to be safe)
- Favorite color of cup to drink it from
- Humorous misspellings
+ Relative charisma compared to gerbils
+ Your childhood hamster, Geronimo, and his untimely but hilarious death by vacuum cleaner
+ That little guy in the new Star Wars trailer is pretty cute
- The wheel as a metaphor
- Troubling sex politics
- Usually remain on all fours when played the national anthem
+ Canned versus fresh turkey
+ Grandma always shows up in a new pillbox hat. Where is she getting them? She doesn’t even have a computer
+ Did they really eat eels at the first Thanksgiving?
- Everything else about the first Thanksgiving
- The turkey pardon, or any kind of pardon
- Conspicuous absence of avocados
The New Year
+ Y2K finally old enough to buy porn
+ New year, new U2 album?
+ Shape-wise, best year for New Year’s glasses since 2010
- Tax season, baby
- Might be the last year
- Remembering this time last year or imagining this time next year