Conversation starters (and stoppers) for Thanksgiving 2017

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Thanksgiving with the family can be a conversational minefield.

This year is particularly volatile. Stick to these hand-picked topics to keep this year’s dinner table cordial, or at least bloodless. 

 

Music

Discuss: 

+ We only have one Thanksgiving song and Adam Sandler wrote it

+ It’s been awhile since they came out with a new genre. What’s up with that?

+ If aliens have music, that means they have slow jams, which probably sound INSANE

 

Avoid: 

- Ted Nugent, or his liberal counterpoint, Jaden Smith

- Why country music’s most popular band is called Lady Antebellum

- Whom the Old Taylor would have voted for

 

Coffee

Discuss: 

+ Its rich, delightful aromas

+ Makes everyone poop but no one talks about it

+ Probability of a timeline where dogs enjoy it

 

Avoid: 

- Keurig (or any Dutch-sounding coffee maker, to be safe)

- Favorite color of cup to drink it from

- Humorous misspellings

 

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Hamsters

Discuss:

+ Relative charisma compared to gerbils

+ Your childhood hamster, Geronimo, and his untimely but hilarious death by vacuum cleaner

+ That little guy in the new Star Wars trailer is pretty cute

 

Avoid:

- The wheel as a metaphor

- Troubling sex politics

- Usually remain on all fours when played the national anthem

 

Thanksgiving

Discuss:

+ Canned versus fresh turkey

+ Grandma always shows up in a new pillbox hat. Where is she getting them? She doesn’t even have a computer

+ Did they really eat eels at the first Thanksgiving?

 

Avoid:

- Everything else about the first Thanksgiving

- The turkey pardon, or any kind of pardon

- Conspicuous absence of avocados

 

The New Year

Discuss:

+ Y2K finally old enough to buy porn

+ New year, new U2 album?

+ Shape-wise, best year for New Year’s glasses since 2010

 

Avoid:

- Tax season, baby

- Might be the last year

- Remembering this time last year or imagining this time next year