YELL AT THE CAT.
You look directly in the the cat's eyes and yell, "Hey, stinky. Get your rump out of here." The cat is cool under pressure. Frustratingly so. It licks a paw and wipes it back over its head as if coiffing an expensive haircut.
Just as you're about to huck a roll at him, he speaks.
"Hey, kid. I wouldn't do that if I were you."
You put down the roll in astonishment. This cat not only talks, you think, but has the voice of six-time NBA champion Michael Jordan. You glance at his tail and sure enough, there are six gold rings stacked on top of each other, each glinting with a lima bean-sized gem.
- Ask him if he's Michael Jordan.
- Offer him some fish.
- Toss him out the window.