You look directly in the the cat's eyes and yell, "Hey, stinky. Get your rump out of here." The cat is cool under pressure. Frustratingly so. It licks a paw and wipes it back over its head as if coiffing an expensive haircut. 

Just as you're about to huck a roll at him, he speaks.

"Hey, kid. I wouldn't do that if I were you."

You put down the roll in astonishment. This cat not only talks, you think, but has the voice of six-time NBA champion Michael Jordan. You glance at his tail and sure enough, there are six gold rings stacked on top of each other, each glinting with a lima bean-sized gem. 


  • Ask him if he's Michael Jordan.
  • Offer him some fish.
  • Toss him out the window.